balloondog

balloon dog's been abducted...

...by Chewbacca's wife!

The balloon dog crew were mystified to find three Mrs Chewbaccas pasted onto the side of our offices yesterday. We're pretty sure it's a Norwich Art's School creation, but are still trying to get to the bottom of this conundrum.
There are mixed opinions amongst the BD staff as to their views on the artwork, but I think we're all in agreement that it's a little disturbing! It's definitely a statement though - looks like we have a Norwich Banksy in our midst!

balloon dog in the press...

To keep all you balloon bloggers up to date with balloon dog in the press, take a look at our 'read all about it' page, which features some of our publication highlights over the last year.

balloon dog cocks its leg at...David Furnish

Can you we talk about David Furn....urfff, sorry, I was a little bit sick in my mouth... David Furnish?

Now, we’re sure he’s a really lovely chap.

Seems to have all his own teeth. Keeps house. Puts up with you-know-who and his stampy-feet hissy-fits etc. So, you know, we’re actually predisposed to cut him some slack and look benignly upon him.

But, we just can’t and here’s just some of the reasons why:

• Dave not only has all his own teeth but what looks like those of Tina Turner, Julia Roberts and Flipper’s too! All in one little mouth.  Too many teeth, David, you’re giving us a headache! Enough already.  Give some to charity.

• David is a ‘film producer’.

• Davey appears to be welded to the side of Elizabeth Hurley.  Here’s Liz in India with Aru...nope, that’s David Furnish. Here’s Liz at Royal Ascot with husband Aru...nope, that’ll be David Furnish.  Ah, Elizabeth Hurley in Monaco for the Grand Prix with Aru...mmm, no it’s David Furnish.  She wears him like a very favourite accessory.
  

• David is a ‘film producer’.

• Davido is continually listed in the Top 10 best dressed men of the year (indeed, was GQ’s man of the year back in the early naughties).  We’re not so impressed. It’s easy to make the listings when you can chuck wodges of your hubby’s cash at Tom Ford and Thom Browne.  Try doing it on £50 a month after rent, David, not so easy is it?

• David is a ‘film producer’.

• La Furnish sometimes writes for GQ (them again...funny that...) on topics of style and fashion, based entirely on his contact book which is, let’s face it, second to none (well, other than Elt’s).  And sometimes he presents TV programmes on the same topics: like his gritty, hard-hitting interview with Tom Ford on “Inside Gucci”.  Sample dialogue DF: “Tom, I think you're an extremely good- looking man”.  Move over Paxman, you’ve got competition.

• David Furnish is a ‘film producer.

In fact, the only thing David Furnish could do to be more annoying is change his name to David Furnish-John. Which thankfully he doesnt seem to have thought of (yet) but probably will now we’ve mentioned it.

Or, of course, pretend to be a film producer.

hats off to advertising

Just when you thought you'd seen every possible hat that Ascot had to offer, Cadbury's, Nestle, and Princess Marshmallows rear their heads (no pun intended) with some pretty extraordinary hat designs. 

Thanks to our resident hat expert, Anna, for spotting this one - she's clearly got a sweet tooth!

All photos courtesy of the BBC

30 second interview

 Relationship Director, Richard Brown, is our man of the month. Who would have thought he found the time to be a sportsman, and rockstar (well, at least through the power of guitar hero). 

My favourite ad is: currently loving the Beatle rock band ad. Happy, trippy, nostalgic and beautifully put together. Have a look for yourself

A winning smile: is infectious

I am always happy: on the golf course

My favourite journey: anywhere long-distance as long as I'm riding a motorbike

I only lie: to people I don't like

I admire: my children...oh and the 1981 FA Cup winning Spurs team

The words or phrases I most overuse are: Fore!

My greatest talent is: playing guitar hero

My biggest regret is: not becoming a rock star

balloondog's got talent...

Before attending this year's Britain's Got Talent - Creative Designer, Jimbo, spent hours preparing his superb rendition of the classic hit that is the 'Y.M.C.A!'. Unfortunately for Jimbo, Su Bo just pipped him to the post at the auditions...but Piers was lovin it!

balloon dog cocks its leg at...Gwyneth Paltrow

We know what you’re thinking. This is too easy. Like shooting fish in a barrel, right?

Correct!

 

Gwyneth is such a disaster zone that we reckon she's double bluffing. She thinks if she’s so ridiculously nuts that nobody will have a go, like a sort of blonde, WASPy Boo Radley in the attic, we’ll just pretend  that she doesn’t exist and ignore the parping and trilling round the house.

Wrong!

Ever visited Gwyneth’s lifestyle advice site Goop?  It tells you exactly how to live your life with ‘biological food’ in Primrose Hill and Malibu, with your rock star husband while still being true to one-world eco-conscious vegan principles and yet simultaneously looking totally, like, hot  in important films like ..er, Iron Man. Oh and (soon) Iron Man 2.

Gwyneth has apparently grown tired of coaching Madge and Stella in Goopness and has recently turned to ‘helping’ newlywed Scarlett Johansen, her mega-lipped co-star in IM2, who is reported to have lost 14 lbs already thanks to the Goop lifestyle techniques.  Which means she’s become a vegetablist too.  Oh, and is probably drinking the $50 Kabbalah water....

Ugh, it’s all too much for Balloon Dog who has growled at Gwyn ever since she insisted on removing the bones from her pink Ralph Lauren Oscar-night dress, making the entire thing resemble a Primark sale item two sizes too big while she did her blub/speech, which incidentally stood as the high water mark of car-crash TV speeches until Kate outdid it with her “gather gather gather” triumph at this year’s Golden Globes. 

 

ABC News

Don’t expect Gwynnie to take that lying down, either.  When she gets nominated for IM2 (such a meaty role to get stuck into....) she’ll be ready!

caption competition

We don't just like to produce great work for Barclaycard, we like to feature in it wherever possible! Last week Activity Director Andy, and our Head of Art & Design, Phil, got into character for the latest photo shoot.
Any caption suggestions are welcome!

balloon dog cocks its leg at ....Piers Morgan

After our friendly mauling of the utterly redundant Lady Gaga the other week, people have been clamouring – nay begging – to know who’s next to get it doggy style.

And so we give you the utterly and completely pointless Piers Morgan, most recently seen in these parts as the sub-Simon Cowell nasty judge on Britain’s Got Talent, alongside....oh, er Simon Cowell.

This is classic Piers. Not only does he have nothing original or interesting to say, preferring instead to reheat and rehash the MO of others but (1) he picks fairly useless people to emulate (Cf Cowell, Kelvin Mackenzie, Julia Phillips – check out “You’ll never eat lunch in this town again” for a proper dish on Hollywood slebs, before she hit the skids with the incoherent “Driving under the affluence” which reads like it was written on Angel Dust – because it was!) and (2) he isn’t even smart enough to do it on another channel! No, Piers proves he’s no Simon Cowell by sitting next to ..., Mr Shiny Teeth himself. Like, duh!

His recent series on the world’s rich and sleb-stuffed locations – Dubai, Monaco, Hollywood (again) – was equally redundant. Oh gosh, Piers liked them all. Oh gosh, Piers likes champagne and fast cars and pretty girls and yachts....zzzz.

Piers even managed to view the thousands of immigrant workers held in work camps just outside Dubai’s developments, without proper sanitation or immigration rights, as being just part of the great capitalist opportunity being extended to them by the friendly Sheikhs he was having champagne with on a yacht. 

His sole redeeming feature is that he wears a nice suit. Kilgour if we’re not mistaken (too big to be Richard James, too louche to be Gieves...) and very nice they are too.  As someone once said of Robert Mitchum’s acting technique -“He points his suit at people” - so it looks like Piers will follow suit (do you see what I did there?).

Perhaps if he let his suit write the next instalment of Hollywood diaries it would be more interesting than the snoozathon that was Volume 3.  A book so dull I had to keep pressing a rusty nail into my thigh to prevent myself slipping into a coma.

Maybe if we stop paying attention to him, he’ll just go away?

Posted by Anonymous

where has all the yellow gone?

Strategic Planner, Nick Backhouse, gives us his season synopsis for NCFC. True to Planner form, he even manages to get a 'statistical analysis' in there.

You know what they say guys, 'every cloud...'

Well it’s over at last. The Canaries’ season started pretty badly and basically didn’t get better. The truth is that we weren’t really good enough.

So let’s get the technical bits over first. Delivering 49 points with a goal difference of less than -20 in the past would have meant safety, but not this time. It shows how tight the lower and middle levels of the Championship were this year. But that isn’t an excuse, it’s just an observation. So where did the real problem lie?

Whether Gunn was, or will be, the right man isn’t the issue. The die had already been cast when he took over. The real problem was Roeder’s use of the loan system. Too many players coming in who weren’t match-fit. Once they had regained their touch and started to forge a relationship with the rest of the squad they were either recalled or got injured. But was this the manager’s fault?  Possibly not?  Perhaps the real issue lies with the structure of the game and how it affects teams who aspire to better things but don’t have the financial muscle to deliver.

This prevalent use of the loan system is just sticking plaster. Let’s hope next season City can deliver a squad of permanent players with a good blend of home-grown youth and experience willing to go that extra mile for the club’s fight for promotion.

Ok that’s  the technical bit done, which will have lost half the Agency ( primarily the female half I suspect). Now let’s have a look at how the Agency’s support  over the last nine months has gone.

I am surprised that as the leading communications business in the area whose major client is the Canaries’ sponsor, we haven’t been more positive.

Looking at those in the Agency who are interested in football, we seem to break down into discrete segments.

Firstly there’s a group  of lads who live, work and maybe were born in the area who support a north London team (which by the way around Christmas was not pulling up any trees and whose manager will walk off when the going gets tough next season ) . Yes guys, you know who I’m talking about!  Why not make Norwich your second team and get behind them next season instead of using the Premiership as a reason to bite the hand that feeds you?

Next.  There are some of us who follow the team but only really when they get free seats, usually unused season tickets. OK next season let’s be ‘aving you. Stump up and support for all the home games.  Fair-weather support won’t be good enough in Division 1.

Interesting group this next one.  It comes  out of the Dad’s Army school of  ‘we’re all doomed’. Well for next season that isn’t going to be good enough. If you are a supporter, stop whinging and be positive.  Despair can be as contagious as swine flu . The motto has got to be ‘ let’s look on the bright side’.

Now I come to the most disturbing, and possibly the most destructive, typology. Season ticket holders who go some of the time but rubbish the performances, win or lose, all of the time. Having completed a statistical analysis, there is actually a direct correlation, with high confidence  limits, between their attendance and home points dropped. Basically a negative Brand Payback situation! Again they know who they are and if this makes them see ‘red’, so be it.

Finally, here are some suggestions that the Board may want to take up to help support the team      (and indirectly, our major client’s sponsorship budget).

1. During the season, on Fridays and mid-week match days, everyone wear yellow and green
2. All senior management bonuses to be donated to the club's transfer funds
3. All client entertainment to be held at Delia's or Yellows
4. All work time conversations, or use of the internet, relating to North London or East Midlands football teams to be banned
5. All agency promotional material to be co-branded NCFC

 

'Join me through the keyhole...who works in an office like this?'

Bearded Canary.